Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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