Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
