I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
