someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
