his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
