he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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