The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
