I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
