Apparently you make a good broom.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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