To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
