I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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