Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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