It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
