finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
