I wanna bring you to show and tell
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
