He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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