No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
