I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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