Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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