i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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