I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
