He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
