I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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