I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
