ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
