I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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