It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
