I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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