she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
