I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
