it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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