just come out here and I will go home with you...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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