Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
