I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
