this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
