Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
