Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
