He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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