I hate all girls vehemently.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
