if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
