He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
