dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
