She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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