I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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