so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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