too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
