i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
