'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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