If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
