grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
