I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
