She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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