I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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