Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
