I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
